Consider this scene from an NYC bar, witnessed just a few days ago:
Man: Hey, I’m getting a drink — you want one?
Woman: Yeah, an energy drink please.
M: An energy drink?????? Ugh… I don’t want to order that, it’s fucking embarrassing!
W: Why? That’s what I want.
M: It’s emasculating.
W: Emasculation is a myth.
M: Then get it yourself.
W: Alrighty then, I will.
M: Can you order my drink, while you’re at it?
Honestly, I thought that people have caught on to the ridiculousness of claiming emasculation. Don’t they get that the concept itself is wrought with internal contradiction? If you’re such a strong, independent, in-control dude, no one has the power to strip you of those things by definition. If holding a non-alcoholic drink in your hand for 30 seconds or coming in contact with something pink renders you completely demoralized, I hate to break it to you, but you are a weak, weak individual.
I cannot fathom being asked a mundane favor (especially after I explicitly offered to be of service) — and then, being like, “Nah, what you want / need is too lame and doing this for you will make me look too uncool to complete strangers surrounding us. So, uh, no.”
What’s happening here is not a degradation of a man’s dignity. A “man’s dignity”, after all, is just human dignity, applicable to everyone, not just men.
What’s happening is taken-for-granted privilege (is there any other kind?). Men have been socialized to feel entitled to say yes or no to others at whim. Having not been taught to doubt himself or invest into a bit of introspection (e.g.: why do I feel threatened by the color pink?), this pseudo-masculine type is not spiritually equipped to confront the roots of his uneasiness. All he knows is that he is uncomfortable and that it is someone else’s fault. Things he does not like or understand are simply “unbecoming” of him.
To bring this back to the opening example: refusing a woman a drink because it’s too “foofy” and then, in the same breath, asking her to get him one. If “hypocrite” is a type of masculinity, then you’ve got it up the wazoo, buddy. Just drop the pretense that women are anything more than a social accessory to you. Here’s the simple formula favored by such “gentlemen”, which, sadly applies to a much wider range of real-life scenarios than just drink-fetching and purse-holding:
- Pretends to be courteous by offering to do something for a woman;
- When she indicates a choice he does not understand or approve of, feels free to deny her request, judgmentally putting her down along the way;
- Thinks nothing of asking the woman to do the exact thing for him that he just refused to do for her;
- Gets furious if the woman does not comply.
What you are, dear cis men who use the “emasculation” excuse, are insecure and lazy. You rely on your delusion of grandeur for getting out of cleaning or serving others. You hide behind it to justify being a half-assed parent. You reach for it to cover up your ignorance of the female anatomy and unwillingness to learn to be a giving lover. You punish women for your own feelings of meekness and smallness next to other pseudo-manly-men, fooled by their empty, shallow fronting. The notion that desired masculinity is predicated on “not being like a woman” is a crock of shit you are still joyfully feeding from, while the rest of us have to put up with the stench.
I Am Unaware How This Was A Horrid Thing, And I Am Quite Confused On Why You Looked For An Image From “A Guide To Manly Drinks” And Just Added A Word I’d Prefer Not To Say, AND Badly Edited The Drink He Was Holding. This Is Not What A Blog Is For, Not For Yelling At Insecure Men, But For Talking About How You Feel. Please Stop.
Also, I Did A Better Edited Photo, Where Can I Show It To You?
Cheers,
Nobody
Thanks for chiming in, Anonymous!
I won’t argue that the image editing could be better. I’m not a professional graphics person, I do just enough to get my point across. If you can edit better, good on you.
As for your other point — that a blog is not for yelling at insecure men but for talking about how one feels. First of all, a blog is for whatever the blogger wants it to be. Secondly, this *is* how I feel. When someone’s insecurities prompt them to systematically act out in unfair or abusive ways, imma have something to express about it.
Now, I’ve never been in the habit, but your description was almost empowering in its hyperbole and nearly made me consider giving this whole “yelling at insecure men” business a go. I hear it pays super well. Alas, I stick to writing. Thanks again for checking it out.
The main reason I felt the need to chime in is that this did not come across either as a thing that actually happened, or something that would be horrid, as many people of both genders have the want to keep high social standing, and for men this is the want to look masculine to others, so calling them a “Pussy” is not a reasonable thing to do. I would understand however if you said that society should not be that way, but I do not agree with the way this was written. It comes off more seeming like a futile point to make, and honestly is not the way it should be said.
Honestly,
Nobody
P.S. I am not a professional graphic artist, but I was able to make it look normally pink with just Pain.net
Hi Nobody,
Well, if my style of writing isn’t your jam, that’s cool — but let me clarify an apparent misunderstanding here.
You think the point of my article was to call men “pussies”? LOL For what?? I’m saying the opposite: that some men are so afraid of looking like a “pussy” to others that they really limit their behavioral options. They’d rather be seen as an asshole than a “girl” basically.
Conveniently, for a lot of these same dudes, basic things like cleaning their own toilet and changing their own kids’ diapers is too much of a “girly” job, so they don’t do it, but it’s a hell of a lame excuse, no? The same way I think it’s pathetic when women rely on some distorted myth of ultra femininity as reason to act superior or get out of doing things. As you put it, “society should not be that way.” It may be that we are in agreement here.
Hello again,
I would like to express that if your plan to have men start being kinder and much more acting in support of others, then maybe don’t have the picture have a guy holding a (for some reason missing lighting) pink drink, with the label “PUSSY”. This is implying that any man who doesn’t comply with what you want is a pussy. This is either a result of a not clearly written piece or that you do believe that all men need to agree with you or else they are “pussies”. I am dearly hoping that it is the first of those options, and not the latter.
This was supposed to be a reply
Sorry you got so triggered by the picture but, for realsies, my dude, you should take this issue up with other men — y’all are the ones giving each other a hard time over being “feminine”, not me LOL It is also abundantly clear from your comments that you couldn’t care less about the (very real) scenario I’m describing in which a woman gets her drink request shut down — over what again? Because the guy believes it’s a “pussy drink” he doesn’t want to be seen carrying for 5 seconds. I didn’t think I was saying something terribly nuanced there, but if you insist on missing the point, I guess that’s that. The logic you’ve provided here is the very phenomenon I’m writing about. ‘Cause, you know, it’s MY fault and responsibility that men aren’t “kinder and much more acting in support of others.” smh
For Christ sake, captain of twisting words over here!
1. I never said I was a man, nice assuming of my gender
2. I never said it was your fault
3. This story is fabricated, and I can tell from that the conversation would not become as nuance as you have in the article
4. And even if it was real, he never said “pussy drink, so that was fake no matter what
5. If you can somehow twist this to mean something different, I will be very impressed!
With nothing (what did you expect?),
Nobody
You can call me Captain anytime.
1. It’s true, I did assume you are a man. Was I wrong though?
2. I never said you said it was my fault LOL You did seem to suggest that I need to change what I put in my blog if I “plan on” having men act more decently, which is a rather silly suggestion, so I feel pretty comfortable with what I wrote back.
3. The story is 100% true. Yes, people talk like that. Take it or leave it.
4. If you want to nit-pick at my last response, I did not write that the man “said” it was a “pussy drink”, I wrote he “believed” it was.
5. Honestly, friend, for someone who misinterpreted the hell out of my article, even I after I made the effort to clarify my intentions behind the article and the image twice already, you’re being a tad hypocritical with the whole word-twisting accusation…
For someone who initially claimed that “pussy” is “a word [you] prefer not to say”, you sure don’t mind typing it out again and again :)) Maybe you just like arguing with me, Nobody, is that a possibility? I don’t mind, just saying…
So, I would like to clarify a few things.
1. I am not enjoying a continuous argument that just continues forever
2. I am only continuing this due to the fact that I feel it is my moral responsibility
3. I am not for suppression of people, but I do think that your article is somewhat for the suppression of men
4. I used “said” to mean that you added quotes
5. Captain was not a complement, and if it was, I would still outrank it
6. Where do people go from hi to emasculation at light speed
7. I only said you may want to reconsider your blog ideas, as it mainly implies the lack of capable civil discourse
8. And to answer your first question, I won’t tell, this is the internet.
Maria, I would also like to say that after looking in a bit on who you are, I noticed that this is not an irregularity, does “THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT!? EXPLORING CRYPTOSEMIC PRAISE AS A FACE-SAVING STRATEGY” sound similar? How about “Compliments that Undermine and Reprimands that Flatter: Locating and Defining Cryptosemes in Beauty Talk”? I have looked into this, and I would like to say, that this is quite insane
From,
Nobody